Some of us are blindly guided by our feelings. Others, on the contrary, try to suppress any unpleasant experiences. These are not the best strategies. But what should be done? Listen to emotions (because they contain important information) and manage them (so that they do not contradict our goals and values).
When we are aware of our emotions and take them into account, we make smarter decisions. If we know how to manage them, then we are able to get angry or “turn on” joy when required.
Sergey Shabanov and Alena Aleshina, the owners of the training company EQuator, tell how to learn all this in their book “Emotional Intelligence. Russian practice". Here is what they write.
"Emotional intelligence. Russian practice"
Why learn to manage your emotions?
Let us explain right away: from the point of view of the organism, there are no “positive” and “negative” emotions. They are all for something he needs. For example, anger, fear, and sadness can signal danger or that something is not right with us in the current situation. Dissatisfaction makes you act, look for new ways and new opportunities.
Therefore, suppressing or ignoring emotions is a bad idea. In any case, they carry valuable information. Another thing is that not everyone knows how to "read" and use it.
You have every right to experience the full range of emotions - to be happy, afraid, angry and sad. A source
Unfortunately, it also happens that it is emotions that prevent us from doing the right thing. I wanted to express my opinion - I was embarrassed and kept silent (fear worked here). I wanted to look restrained and calm - I lost my temper and lashed out.
Has something similar happened to you? For sure. Let's do a little exercise right now.
Recall moments when you did not behave the way you would like it to; something prevented you from doing what you intended, or for some reason you planned to act in a certain way, and for some reason behaved in a completely different way.
Briefly describe your desired behavior in the left column of the table. In the middle column, describe how you acted in reality. And in the last column, analyze what emotions motivated you to this behavior.
In each of the situations described, you would need the ability to manage emotions. And in order to develop this ability, you must first learn to track and be aware of your emotional state.
First step: name the emotion
To understand our own feelings, we need words, a certain terminological apparatus. Let's see what emotions are.
There are four classes of basic emotional states in total. These are fear, anger, sadness and joy. The word "class" refers to a range of emotions of varying degrees of intensity. From 0 to 100%.
It is important to understand that emotions are always there. They can be arbitrarily weak, but there is no "zero". Therefore, we will use a mathematical technique - the designation "zero plus" (0+).
Now let's play Synonyms. What is the name of fear in a strong degree of intensity? What about anger? Oh, very strong anger. Now sadness. And, finally, joy. "Going wild", overflowing with joy.
With this part, everything is simple so far. It doesn't take long to think, and words appear. Most often it is: horror, panic, nightmare for the fear class. Rage, hatred, rage for anger. Grief, longing, sorrow for sadness. And for joy - delight, happiness, euphoria.
Let's fill in the middle part (about 20 to 80% of the intensity of the emotion). Here it is already a little more complicated, although the words are also found. Anxiety. Anger. Blues. Pleasure.
And finally, the very first part of the table. Around 0+. Perhaps, “calmness” would be suitable for joy - a certain state when all urgent needs are satisfied. Tiny, BUT - joy! But what about fear? Anxiety and fear are already 15-20% of the intensity. And less than 5-10%?..
Yes, that is exactly the problem. There are simply no words that would call fear, anger or sadness in its most rudimentary state. As a result, our table looks like this:
How can we learn to track and be aware of low-intensity emotions if we do not have words? Here are some ways to get out.
1. In fact, the Russian language has tools for the formation of the vocabulary we need. These instruments are called suffixes. To identify emotions, “irritant”, “sad”, “fear”, “nightmare” and similar words will do.
2. It could also be: “I feel about 5-8% of the 2nd grade emotion” or “I am in the 1st quarter of sadness.”
3. If there is not one word to denote an emotional state, then phrases can be used. For example: "I feel some kind of beginning irritation."
