Many are already familiar with the concept of FOMO - the fear of missed opportunities. Its author, Patrick McGinnis, believes that this is the scourge of the digital society. It leads to stress, insecurity, envy and depression. It has an equally scary counterpart: FOBO - the fear of the best option. And if FOMO encourages you to grab absolutely everything,FOBO is its exact opposite: it paralyzes. The Workshop publishes an excerpt from McGinnis's book FOMO sapiens: How to get rid of the fear of missed opportunities and start making the right decisions, in which he explains what FOBO is and why it is worth fighting it. The book was published by Alpina Publisher.
FOBO is a way of thinking where when making a decision, you always strive to choose the “best”. But in search of the perfect option, you do not give up on everyone else. You feel uncomfortable, even impossible, to settle on any of the available options, and you continue to live in a world of uncertainty, not a world of yes and no.
But it's not easy. You waste precious time and energy considering various alternatives only to delay the moment when it is time to make a decision and move on to other things.
It may be pleasant (and even comfortable) to postpone a decision, but the retribution will not keep you waiting. FOBO is time consuming, exhausting and does not bring results. If you don't get rid of it, the fear of the best option can cause irreversible damage to your career and even more - to your whole life.
It can be used for other people's lives. A person suffering from FOBO becomes a burden to those around him, to everyone who expects him to take on at least some obligations and not keep others in limbo. Until a decision is made, the people who are waiting for it do not intend to plan a vacation, a business event, a meeting, present proposals, set a deadline for a project, or a wedding day. They will never be sure that you can be counted on. Because as soon as you turn up something "better", you will change your mind, express regret and either dive into the bushes or somehow pretend that you are trying to keep your word, and in the worst case, you will simply stop returning calls and messages. It doesn't matter how you make it clear, but you do not assume any obligations.
Therefore, FOBO is much more harmful than FOMO. Fear of missed opportunities does not turn you into an immoral person, but fear of a better option does.
FOBO forces you to say "maybe" when you need to take responsibility; to remain silent when the time comes to finalize plans; canceling everything at the last minute if something better loomed up ahead. If FOMO harms only the one who suffers from it, everyone around suffers from FOBO, or rather its carrier.
In addition, FOBO is a much more long-term problem than FOMO. This disease is caused by an abundance of opportunities, and it tends to get worse as you get older, more solid, and richer, as all of this gives you more options to choose from. This is when FOBO goes beyond refusing a cup of coffee or dinner and permeates every aspect of personal and business relationships.
The more options at your disposal, the wider the choice becomes, the stronger the temptation to retain the value of the alternative, no matter if you waste time or offend others. And you are also likely to be less and less concerned about how your behavior affects others. In the end, you have a choice.
Saving the value of the alternative
You are subject to FOBO if the mere existence of an alternative is so important to you that it paralyzes any action. Your main rule is to never close a single door, never discard a single option.
Whether you're planning for the weekend, looking for a life partner or a job, you'll be reluctant to give up your options. As you continue to accumulate opportunities, you take comfort in the fact that you can change your mind at any moment, because you haven’t closed a single door.
The decision-making process in this case is aimed not only at choosing the best, but also at maintaining maximum flexibility. Otherwise, there is a risk that in the end it will be worse than before. You will regret the path you didn't take and that will make you unhappy. Your life will not be optimal, that's sadness!
The response to this fear is to keep all the options at hand, not to dismiss any and drag on indefinitely. In a way, you are a miser. But you don't collect cracked cups, used shoes, or old newspapers in the hope of reading them someday. You accumulate opportunities. You don't want to wake up one day and regret that you once agreed to go skiing or invest in real estate. People who are waiting for you to decide may get tired of endlessly indulging you, but even if they decide to move on themselves, it will be their decision, not yours.Until you say no, you have nothing to regret. There is still a chance to get everything you want and deserve. There is still a chance to live happily ever after. Thus, indecision becomes the last stronghold that protects against wrong actions.
If you are confident that you can control the timing of decision-making, then you are convinced that you have leverage. With a wealth of choice, it is easy to believe that you are the master of your destiny. Unfortunately, this is a misconception. FOBO can get away with it for a while, but it won't lead to anything good in the long run. The longer the decision is delayed, the greater the risk that many of the potential options will simply disappear.
